War and, erm, Piece?

There comes a time in large law firms when mild dislike turns to hostility and eventually to open warfare. One of the best things about being a junior, still rotating, is that often we can observe and enjoy these wars at a relative distance.

The best wars are between senior associates. A heady mix of ambition, tempered by the need to be deferential to partners, greed, exhaustion from 5+ years of working like a dog, the golden pot dangling just out of reach and the knowledge that just one f#ck up will take the partnership dream away.

These conditions make for an exciting and fraught competition – or race – for partnership points.

And the greatest of these wars are between two senior associates who are working for and tethered to the same partner. With only one honey pot to suck up to, these SAs are the ones to watch.

Be involved but distant.

It begins with teamwork – they work for the same partner so inevitably their matters overlap. Slowly but surely, cracks begin to emerge. Firstly, the mildly accusatory “have you finished that advice yet?” Then a slight differing of opinion over that advice: “I’m not sure if I would have taken that path…” Then the meeting with the partner where one takes credit over the other.

The power play is now officially on.

The best SAs are always surreptitious about any hint of competition. The other SA is always “very competent” but…

And this is where you, as a junior, a temporary member of the group, come in.

The SAs must build coalitions. They need a posse, friends even. This is so the partner sees them as a “firm-man” (in both senses of ‘firm’ and both senses, if not genders, of ‘man’) and for that they need to seem both authoritative and willing to give time to we lower beings… for the sake of the firm of course!

And so, an opportunity arises.

Firstly, woo the SAs like they are divorced parents trying to win over their only child, buying your affection, desperate for your approval, desperate for you to be on their team.

Then plant seeds of further competition. A good, self serving tip is when the red pen has been given a work-out on your letter, say “oh, ok, that’s interesting, the other SA told me to do it that way…” or “I have capacity this afternoon, I just have to finish [[insert work with more responsibility than they've ever given you]] for the other SA urgently this morning”.

Now suspicions are flying, jealousy has reached a pinnacle.

Sit back and watch the fireworks.

A little of what to expect:

1. SA speaking slightly too loudly in a coalition member’s room about the other’s mistake

2. A whispered comment about each others personal life

3. An un-whispered rumour of affairs with colleagues

4. An argument in the partner’s office regarding advice – starts as legal issues only

5. Quickly descends into the personal

6. Hostility matched by feigned shock

7. Partner starts redirecting work further down the chain – bingo – better work coming your way!

8. SAs sadly, but let’s be honest, overdue, realisation that neither will be made partner anytime soon.

So enjoy the show graduates, it’ll be our turn soon.

The Importance of being articled

Stress without substance.

Oh the pressure!

Today it was to do a summary of a table of summary of a statement of agreement based upon a contract.

Given to me at 5pm, “needed” by C.O.B… Will sit on the partner’s desk for a week, possibly will be read, certainly will never be used.

Oh the pressure!

Oh the importance of we grads.

Summaries of summaries of summaries.

To summarise… Lovin’ the law kids, study hard those long 5 years, there’s important work to be done out there.

Avoiding awkward silences at work ideas

1. complain about the heating/air-conditioning
2. have you got much on? alternated with, are you busy?
3. have you heard about redundancies at … (insert name of other firm or financial institution)
4. um… I can’t think of another… um… gee…. this is awkward
5. shit
6. Gosh it’s hot in here, why can’t they get the heating right?

Articulated in black and white only

Dear diary,

Grey, oh so grey.

My red shirt stood out when I arrived this morning but within half an hour it too was grey.

Dull.

Grey.

The blue sky is out of reach, out of mind. Meaningless on a Monday.

The blue flash of the photocopier is the only colour I saw today.

The end. Until beige Tuesday begins anon.

P.S. I will update my sackwatch and legal gossip very soon as there have been multitudes of public and private legal ‘restructuring’ announcements in the last few weeks while my posts have been sparse. Apologies for my absence, thanks for all your messages.

Articles in 4 part harmony (the Partner Remix)

Bass:

“billable, billable, billable”

Baritone:

“must bill your time, must bill your time”

Tenor:

“work through lunch, at your desk, stay at your desk, work through the day”

Alto:

“Hallelujah, folder needs an index. Hallelujah, document needs printing. Hallelujah, photocopy. Photocopy. Photocopy.”

Flakes

What the hell is going on at flakes? 100 sacked in a day… A HR, PR and let’s not forget, personal disaster.

For those who haven’t yet seen it, you must see their wikipedia entry and particularly go to the history tab where a battle has been waged between contributors, one probably a disgruntled employee, the other presumably from the firm. It’s petty, it’s salacious, it’s delicious!

Check it out:   blakes wiki

…

Redundant

More layoffs announced:

Blakes – 4 property lawyers

Deacons – 11 of the 17 article clerks will be made redundant upon admission

Rumours persist about Clayton Utz and Mallesons but no confirmed figures yet. Certainly support staff have been culled from most large firms.

What makes the culling of article clerks even more depressing is the sad fact that the article year slog in a big firm qualifies and equips us for absolutely nothing. Too qualified for a secretary but no experience of substantive work, let alone legal expertise. We are redundant.

Correcting punctuation in a contract is NOT editing, carrying folders to court is NOT a skill, month-long discovery, numbering pages – “pagination” as the more poetic supervisors call it – is NOT mathematical.

So what are we to do? As Cat Stevens warns:  it’s hard to get by upon a smile.

But take heart, it could be worse, you could be stuck in your firm FOREVER!! The wild world, if I remember it correctly (it seems so long ago that I was part of it),  is more exciting than the photocopy room, the kitchen even. And all just a step beyond the foyer…

And something for the recent grads: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/giles_coren/article5679273.ece

Fact: Law firms are recession-proof.

I promised gossip… So ok, it’s not my gossip, I stole it from Crikey, but it is what everyone is talking about: Are we going to lose our jobs?

Crikey’s “Sackwatch” lists these corporate law sackings so far:

Deacons: 15 property and finance lawyers

DLA Phillips Fox: 12 lawyers

Corrs Chambers Westgarth: 14 lawyers

In non-confirmed gossip, some firms have offered future article clerks money to defer their articles… My advice, take the money and run kids!

The Fully Articulated Road to Serfdom

I was a bright, sparky young thing, once-upon-a-time. But even then I was skeptical of hierarchies. I used to wonder how Dr Claw ever got his minions to unquestioningly follow his orders or even how Penny continued to do all the work while her hapless father, Inspector Gadget, got all the credit.

But having been placed within the highly structured feudal system of a corporate law firm, I see that power weilded from on high can be so strong as to suppress dissent… If your livelihood depends on it that is!

At school I was a rebel. I never liked hierarchies, I actively fought against any dominance from teachers who, from the age of about 10, I considered intellectually inferior.

But in the firm? I bow, I curtsy, I kowtow. You want me to print one of your emails and bring it to you? Yes, Mr Partner, Sir, King, Your Honour, Your Holiness. I end every memo/email/whatever thanking whichever more ‘senior’ lawyer gave me the work. Thank you for your demeaning task. Thank you for using me instead of a secretary so we can charge the client. Thank you for using my work as your own. Thank you.

But of course it’s just the system, just how it is, how it’s always been… but just wait until you reach the golden pot of partnership at the end of the monochromatic rainbow.

10-20 years as a minion?

I want off this ride.

Oi, Oi, Oi

Being assigned another Sisyphean task for my Tuesday-first-day-after-a-long-weekend-of-drinking morning, I began to ponder the meaning of my much needed day off.

Australia Day is a ridiculous, offensive “celebration” of invasion. Rudd’s “simple, respectful, but straightforward, no” to a change of date yesterday was anything but respectful. Simple, yes.  Straightforward, possibly. But Respectful? Not a bit.

Celebrating a day that brought violence, disease and dispossession is utterly disrespectful.

Adjunct to this is the continued rise of (white) Australian nationalism: witness Southern Cross tattoos at the Big Day Out – demonstrating that kids lapped up the Howard-endorsed ‘rah, rah’ jingoistic, simplistic and dangerous nationalism.

Mick Dodson may be Australian of the Year this year, but the Lleyton Hewitts of our country are those being heard… And respected!

And what’s more… there’s now not another long weekend for AGES. Thank God the invaders also brought Christianity… Bring on the Easter long weekend!